Mom Moment(s)

I guess I should have seen it coming?

Over the weekend, I had two of my very first “mom moments.” Radically different and yet tied to the same experience of being a parent. Funnily enough, they were at completely different ends of the spectrum in terms of enjoyability.

Mom Moment #1

Coming off of a hectic and probably over-stimulating quick trip to Oʻahu we were almost equally busy the following day with our usual Sunday activities plus dropping off little gifts and seeing some family. Unexpectedly we received a very kind invitation to dinner at my in-laws which is something I am normally incredibly grateful for (no cooking for me, ha!)

However, for some reason, instead of going to my in-laws, I felt a strong desire to sit at home on my couch, eat some chocolate, and finally (finally!) finish the last 15 minutes of a movie I had been trying to finish all week (yes, it was a Nancy Meyers movie. Yes, it was Something’s Gotta Give). The fact that I had not eaten a proper meal all day (while breastfeeding) did not make matters any better, and I found myself on the verge of begging my husband to take our daughter to my in-laws and promising to come later. Bless his heart, he didn’t quite understand what was going on, but he took our child and went, leaving me to the couch, chocolate, and the conclusion of the film.

On my way to my in-laws later on, I realized what I had wanted (needed?) but couldn’t verbalize was a break. Up until that moment, I had never really felt the need for one that wasn’t purely “practical” (sleep, a meal, shower, etc.) Surely, I didn’t need time for frivolous things like sweets and early 2000’s rom-coms.

But I guess I did.

It made me realize how much I try to obfuscate my feelings and the unconscious guilt and shame I put on myself as a new mom. Thankfully, it also made me realize I need to ask for breaks when I want/need them and it’s okay to do so. I shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty about asking for time to do “fun” things on a regular basis.

Being a mom was tough for me in the beginning but I’m starting to enjoy it more now. I think part of the reason why is because now that we’re out of the newborn stage, I can pursue the interests I have that aren’t necessarily related to motherhood.

So, maybe a large part of successful motherhood is figuring out the parts of me/my life that don’t have anything to do with being a mom(?)

This has turned into a much longer piece of writing than I originally anticipated, so in the spirit of brevity that I appreciate so much these days, I will save Moment #2 for a separate post.